MTV show “Cribs” makes pimping out a pad easy. If it were, everyone would have a giant plasma screen attached to their wall with surround sound. Reality hurts, and the fact is that to have a crib like the ones from Cribs, you need to invest soundly. Yep, there is no room for frivolous expenditures in this post. So, without further ado, here are the ridiculous items you can add to your home to pimp it out. Do you think that is a massive contradiction? You’re right, but who cares when you have a life-size replica “Game of Thrones” throne in your living room?
As a host of great male and female celebrities once said, ‘Welcome to my crib.’ Mi casa es su casa.
Wine Cellar Steps
Some might say ‘I don’t have a collection of wines.’ Well, hang your head in shame and take a long hard look in the mirror. Every self-respecting homeowner has a storage cellar full of ageing reds and whites and the odd rose. So, it only makes sense that there is a flight of stairs which takes you from A to B without a matter of seconds. Otherwise, there would be no point in buying wines to store in a glorified basement for years. Jeez. One of the greatest proponents of a wine staircase is the example on the Complex site. The stairs are accessible via a kitchen hatch and they wind down as the wines surround the case. There’s no other way to say it than, that’s properly badass.
A Towel Warmer
Are you looking for something a little less expensive? Would you prefer to keep the foundations of the property intact? Don’t fear because a towel warmer is a small yet perfectly formed device which is well at home in a pimped out pad. The design itself is nothing to boast about; it’s white and cylindrical. It’s what it’s inside that is the money shot. Thanks to already installed heaters, the fabric soaks up the warmth like a sponge takes on water. By the time you get out of the shower all wet and cold, the towel will be toasty hot. In the last throes of winter in the UK, there may not be a more important gadget in the house!
Okay, so a cinema in the living room might be the most played out gadget on the market. For years, homeowners have been trying to recreate the magic of the theatre in their living rooms without success. Thankfully, the technology for a bespoke home cinema is a lot more advanced today than ever before. For starters, the screens are bigger and have better graphics quality. Some are even in 3D and 4K. It goes without saying that the sound is all around, too. The main development is the ability to link every room in your home. Now, there isn’t a room you can’t control with an internet connection and a home controller. Even better, artificial intelligence can do it without asking permission. Yes that is scary, but it’s also why home cinemas are superior.
Tabletop Pool Shot
Another feature which is in every crib is a pool table. Shooting the breeze with a cue and chalk seems like the ultimate way to relax and pass the time. The problem is playing pool gets boring after a while and you are back to square one. To spruce the pastime up a little, you can try a different version. A tabletop pool drinking shot glass set is an excellent way to mix sports and alcohol. Let’s face it – a house party isn’t complete without a drinking game. And, this way, you get to shoot balls as well as tequila and sambuca. Like anything pool-related, make sure there are no sharks in the opposition party. When beer is involved, the stakes are too high to get hustled.
It isn’t often that you think ‘I wish this desk contained food and drinks,’ but pimping out your crib isn’t about being regular. Nope, it’s about taking the unordinary and making it the norm. Plus, it’s about making the homeowner as lazy as possible. The good news is that a desk/mini-fridge ticks all of the boxes. Contained behind the drawers is not a pen and paper combo but a small, functioning refrigerator. Simply fill it with a range of delights and you don’t have to move from the armchair to indulge. For those of you that want to take it to the next level, keep it in the bedroom. Then, you can eat and drink under the covers while watching late night TV. Don’t pretend that isn’t what’s on your mind!
A Film Set Lamp
According to the interior design experts, lighting is essential. The right glow can take your house to the next level, whatever that stands for. It doesn’t matter because you’re in the business of pimping out a property, and that means you want it regardless. But, spotlights and dimmers aren’t exactly your thing, not when desk acting as a fridge. You need something a little gaudier that lights up and rocks a room in equal measure. Step forward a Hollywood film set lamp which blares out light that burns the irises. Okay, so the glare is a tad harsh, but you can tone it down by fitting a smaller bulb. That way, you get a cool light fixture and can pretend like you’re rubbing shoulders with J. Law and R. Patz.
Full-Length Office Chair
Home-based entrepreneurs get to Friday and want to sprawl out. Sadly, these men and women have to get up, leave the room and walk into their bedroom. It’s exhausting and a waste of time. Just imagine if you could take a quick, refreshing nap at your desk. How novel! You can with a lay flat office chair as it acts as a makeshift cot. No semi-cama for you when the week starts to take its toll.
What do you think of this list? Are there any features which aren’t included that you’d like to add?